.... and THAT, kids, that is why you should always drink your lemonade cold! Hahahaha ... Nothing tastes worse than warm lemonade on a sticky hot day!
*applause, applause*
Once I met a really cool dude. He said to me, “Always use ice cubes.” So remember: Always use ice cubes.
Do you know what else is refreshing? A good night’s sleep, that’s what. Think of all the wonderful things that happen when children dream at night: A magic wind comes down from the moon and blows gently over all the grass and trees in your neighborhood, the stars twinkle and winkle, the clouds mist up and sprinkle, and everybody’s hair gets a little bit longer – unless you’re a puppet like Bonkers over here.
Hey, Bonkers! Pay attention!
We have come to the end of another broadcast day. When puppets yawn, it sounds like socks stretching, only louder, and that’s what I’m hearing now. Mr. Floppy Socks can’t keep his button eyes focused and Bonkers ... well, poor Bonkers doesn’t even have eyelids. It’s time to put the puppets back into the bottom drawer so they nestle and festle and dream.
Let me thank all of you for listening to tonight’s program and for not laughing too hard when Mr. Floppy Socks mistook the spilled lemonade for something else and got all angry at Bonkers. Misunderstandings happen, kids. At one time, each of you will know what it’s like to be misunderstood. Be nice to each other.
I’d like to thank Pudding Crust Crandle for stopping by to play his magic harmonica for us tonight. We didn’t have a singer, but Mr. Sassy Pants volunteered to hummmmmmmmmm along and then he even stayed and chatted with us for a while about his amazing butterfly collection. Isn’t it nice to know that butterflies can’t bite? I know I’m not scared of them anymore, thanks to Mr. Sassy Pants.
Congratulations to Miggy McConnell of Enders’ Meadow, Iowa for being our first, second AND third caller tonight – Oh, the wonders of speed-dialing! – and for winning my broken heart, the only prize we had left to give since we lost all our sponsors. I’m shipping it tonight in a velvet box, along with a written guarantee that it’ll always stay broken no matter what she does with it.
This, kids, will be our final show. When you wake up in the morning, Bonkers and Flop and me, and all the wonderful puppets, we will be soaring over the dark tides of Neptune in this little blinking satellite we called home. The heat has stopped, my feet are already cold and every light has gone out except this last one, now flickering, flickering. Soon, it will go out too, and then ....
As usual, before signing off, I’d like to remind our listeners that you can get a full transcript of tonight’s show and all the others for a limited time. Maybe two weeks? Maybe a month? Maybe two days? Just send (money!) and a self-addressed, stamped envelope to:
The Brian and Bonkers Show
c/o Last Light Productions
1221 Phony Address
Chicago, IL. 61262
And don’t forget to tell the nice people there which program you want, because they’re not mind-readers. In fact, they’re not even letter readers. They can’t read. They’re just sad-faced puppets who’ve seen too much because they never got to close their eyes. Imagine how hard that must be for them!
But you have eyelids to cover your eyes when they've seen enough or cried enough. You can close your eyes and wake up to a whole new day tomorrow. You can open them again and find new friends, and when you catch yourself yawning, you can close them again. You can close your eyes and remember all the fun we used to have. So close your eyes.
Sleep to wake up from this dream. Don't forget how sweet it was.
Ok, folks. That’s it. Goodnight.
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