ScribbleFace

Every picture tells a story. This one tells the story of ScribbleFace, the man who would be replaced. Once he had eyes that saw, a nose that sniffed and a mouth that spoke too soon. But not anymore.

One morning while the birds sat high in the trees outside their house, while the mister stayed awake in his office downtown and Dr. Phil lectured overweight alcoholics in the living room, the misses slipped the photo out of its frame, scanned it, and applied the black magic of Photoshop to her marriage. 

When he pushed open the front door that evening and walked past her in the kitchen where she prepared a colorless meal, she muttered his new name under her breath, and it tickled her.

ScribbleFace. The eyes that lost their spark for her - erased. The nose that could no longer detect the perfume she misted on her neck - gone. The mouth that suggested she stop spending so much time online and try that Adkins diet - silenced. Oh, he could still speak, but now, now his words tumbled through an irreparable void she'd carved out. Soon, he'd disappear into it too. And she'd be a free, fun, sensual woman again.

She placed a personal ad, with this photo, on a picture-rating site. Cleverly, she inscribed the caption "this could be you!" on the photo, over ScribbleFace's head. After several more weeks of lukewarm dinners, dreamless nights and petty fights with ScribbleFace, she logged on one breezy afternoon and found Prince Charming waiting. 

Who's the lucky guy in the pic standing next to you? asked the Prince, in bold blue IM font.

LOL .... that's ScribbleFace, she replied.

Hi, ScribbleFace ... LMAO, the Prince typed next.

Shhhh. Don't wake him. I want you all to myself, she typed next, in her usual light pink lettering.

You want me all to yourself? Now I'm scared ... lol, he typed.

Grrrrrr. You better be! I like to get WILD, her pink letters declared.

When was the pic taken? he asked.

Recently, she quickly typed back.

Recently? LOL. When is that? 1994? his blue letters mocked.

No silly it's not that old, she promised, in pink.

Bill Clinton was still in office in 1994, the Prince replied.

Its not that OLD!! come on, be nice, she sent back.

LOL ... If you say so! But why are you wearing your night gown in the pic? asked Monsieur Charming.

Pardon me! That's an EVENING gown, little boy. LOL, her pink words teased.

Yeah, it's so elegant -- for sleeping in! he responded.

Hey that "night gown" cost a lot of $$$, she typed. 

Where? At Wal-Mart? Scribble Head is wearing a 3-piece suit and you? You're too lazy to put a real dress on? ROFLMAO!! he sent.

Whatever, she typed back, after a lengthy pause.

Be honest. Were you too big to fit into a real dress? Are you "too much woman" for normally-tailored clothes? LOL!, right back at her, in bold blue letters.

Are you trying to hurt me? That's not nice. Don't you know that the camera adds 10 pounds?? Duh! she furiously shot back.

LOL, yeah, but Photoshop takes 20 off! he fired back.

Whatever, she typed, after another long pause.

Hey, hey, cheer up. I got a question for you, Prince Charming replied.

I don't think I like your questions, she replied, after making him wait another 5 good minutes.

Hey now, I promise this is a nice question. Just answer it please? he sent.

What is it? asked she.

Do you like Pina Coladas? Prince Charming sent back.

Pina coladas? LOL. Sure, yep I sure do, she typed.

Good. Do you like getting CAUGHT in the rain? the Prince asked.

What are you talking about, crazy man? she sent. Then, she sat suddenly upright in her chair.

Do you like getting caught in the rain? the man with the blue letters asked again.

I'm logging off now, she typed, her fingers shaking.

LOL, I told you, Sweetheart. I told you to stop wasting so much time online and to LOSE SOME DAMN WEIGHT! LOLOLOL! ScribbleFace typed.

i hate you, she typed.

I know you do, sweetie pie, ScribbleFace typed back. I'll see you at 6. Let's make sure dinner is hot this time.

She logged off.

~ end ~