Pillow Talk

"You are beautiful, but you are empty."

I beg your pardon?

"I said. You are beautiful. But. You are empty."

My dear, is that supposed to be a compliment?

"Just the truth, sweetheart. Just the truth."

What if I don't like it?

"What can I say? Are you not beautiful?"

You said I am empty. Beautiful, but empty. You said that to me.

"Yes."

Well. I don't like it. What if I said you are hairy, but not on your head?

"I guess I'd feel bad."

• Yeah! I guess you would!

"How can I make it up to you, dear?"

Try rephrasing your compliments, so that they feel more flattering.

"I'll try."

Good.

"You are empty. But you are beautiful."

Mmmmmmm . . . Yeah. That's a little better.

"Your emptiness is beautiful."

Weird. But I like it.

"I am in love with your emptiness."

That's a little creepy . . .

"But it's true. I'm sure that it's true."

My God. What's true?

"I'm in love with your emptiness. I was initially attracted by your beauty, but your emptiness is what captured my heart, what I came to love most about you; your total, absolute emptiness."

Nobody has ever said that to me before.

"Because. Nobody has ever been so in love with you before, as I am."

Well. May God help us both then.

"Indeed."